Not only did I date more this year than in any of the previous 26 of my life, but I probably dated more this year than in the previous five years combined. That’s not an exaggeration, and we’re only in mid-October.
Above all else, there is one thing I look for in determining whether or not I see a future with someone: the spark. Even if I can’t describe what it is, why it’s there, or why it’s not, this supernatural feeling is the foundation of my evaluation for each and every person I date.
“The spark” goes beyond physical attraction. It has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with chemistry, which it perhaps why the term “spark” seems so appropriate. It’s that it-factor you really can’t put your finger on, but know it’s a necessity.
I recently ran a Twitter poll asking women for their thoughts on “the spark,” and the results surprised me. Seventy-one percent said it can develop over time, while 29 percent said it must be there from the start. Not a single person said it doesn’t exist.
— Mike Zacchio (@Mike_Zacchio) October 15, 2016
Personally, I believe the spark must be there from the beginning. I suppose it can develop over time (I mean, how many times have you seen people have that, ‘Ah, ha!’ moment and realize what they had all along?), but I think that instant attraction would serve both parties better than if it wasn’t initially there.
Despite some of the outlandish ideas and scenarios that may run through my head from time to time, I’m a realist. If I know on the first date that this definitely isn’t going anywhere, I’m not going to ask for a second one. I don’t want to waste time for either of us. If I’m on the fence, that’s where second and third dates come in.
Where I differ from most men (and most people) is that I’m liable to go on one date with someone and know right then and there that I don’t want to see anyone else. It happened with my ex-girlfriend, and she made me happier than any girl before her.
This is not to be confused with love at first sight or anything like that, which is where things can get misconstrued. There’s an enormous difference between saying, “She’s going to be the one I marry,” and, “I don’t want to see anyone else.”
A relationship is nothing more than two people who know and acknowledge that they don’t want to date anyone else. Period. End of story. Fade to black. That’s the simplistic truth.
I’ve experienced virtually everything in the dating world — the long-term relationship, countless casual dates, “playing the field,” friends with benefits, Tinder, Bumble, being set up on dates by friends, etc. — and I can say with absolute certainty that I would take a relationship over everything.
Yes, the constant change of scenery during the single life can be exciting, but I find little to no pleasure in that. I don’t like the feeling of going to a bar hoping to make out with someone for the night and then never hear from them again. I don’t like juggling multiple women and then having to gauge the situation on each of them. It’s exhausting.
One person — one good, strong, confident person — is all you need. Your relationship is bound to hit speed bumps and face challenges, so don’t think it’s a bad thing just because things are “boring” for a certain period of time. Be thankful that you have no additional stress in your relationship during that time.
I’d rather be that cheesy couple singing duets at karaoke or dancing nose to nose in a bar than the guy on the prowl for an experience that is almost sure to be nothing more than a story to tell people the next morning.
I’ve gone a little off topic here, so let me circle back and land this plane.
I’m glad everyone who answered the poll at least believes in “the spark,” so that it at least confirms I do not have to turn into a completely jaded human being just yet. If you have any thoughts on “the spark” in a relationship, I would truly love to hear them.