The 2016 presidential race has been, if nothing else, “entertaining,” to say the least. I’m not sure that’s a good thing to say about something that will determine the most powerful person in our country, but I digress.
With Election Day now exactly one month away, I decided to create a time table of events that I believe will happen over that time, and beyond…
Oct. 9, 2016: During the second presidential debate, Hillary Clinton questions Donald Trump about his comments on recently released audio recordings from 2005. Trump talks about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while he was president. Clinton burns Trump during a response at some point during the debate, then proceeds to do the “JuJu On That Beat” dance.
Oct. 16, 2016: Tapes from Nov. 2012 are uncovered that reveal Donald Trump clearly saying, “I’m going to run in 2016, for real. It’s going to be tremendous. It’s all going to be for laughs, but it would be fun to see how close the race actually I actually come.”
Later on Oct. 16: Trump releases a statement on said tapes: “It’s unfortunate that a tape of things I said a long time ago has surfaced, but I promise you that my intentions in this race are legitimate. My objective in this race is to make America great again, and I promise that is how I truly feel.”
Oct. 19, 2016: During her first question at the third presidential debate, Hillary Clinton throws her arms up in the air and says, “Really? I really have to answer this? We’re really still here? Donald literally said he was going to do all of this as a joke, and here we are four years later and it’s actually happening.”
Nov. 7, 2016: In a last-ditch effort to win the election, Donald Trump announces that he is actually Chelsea Clinton’s father. Trump demands a paternity test before the election.
Nov. 8, 2016: Hillary Clinton is elected the 45th president of the United States.
Later on Nov. 8, 2016: During his concession speech, Donald Trump says the election was rigged against him.
Later on Nov. 8, 2016: Hillary Clinton opens her acceptance speech: “Well, I bet you’re all glad that’s over.”
Nov. 9, 2016: Listicles will flood the internet. Examples may include, but are not limited to: “X Reasons Why Donald Trump Lost The Election,” “X Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Was Going To Win The Election,” “X Reasons Why Hillary Clinton’s Win Was A Big Effin’ Deal For Women,” “X Things Donald Trump Said That Cost Him The Election,” “X Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Will Make An Excellent President,” “X Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Will Make A Horrible President.”
Jan. 20, 2017: Hillary Clinton is sworn in as the 45th president of the United States.
Sometime between 2017-2020: The cure to cancer is found, or a meteor hits earth, causing the extinction of the human race. It’s one or the other, and there is no in-between.
(Editor’s note: This is obviously a satirical post that is in no way intended to be taken seriously. If you were offended by anything in the post, please, relax.)