Whether it’s in conversation or something I’m writing, I almost always refer to the journey of dating as “the road to love,” because I honestly can’t think of a better analogy.
You start at one place, hoping to reach a final destination. Much like any road trip, there are a number of things that can happen between points A and Z. It wasn’t until a conversation with my volleyball teammates that I realized how perfect of a comparison it really is.
My captain asked about a girl they had met (we’ll call her Pam), to which I replied, “Yeah, you’re never going to see her again.” She scoffed, and we all joked around for a little bit about how I’m a “man whore,” which I ultimately disagreed with.
The team had a point: There have been a number of women I’ve mentioned throughout our three seasons together, none of which ever transpired into anything. My defense of the point is actually a source of pride, and was essentially the inspiration behind this post.
The reason there have been so many women brought up is because I move on. Instead of clinging hopelessly to something that will never exist, or begrudgingly going along with something I don’t want to be a part of, when it’s over, I’m done. On to the next one. That may sound like a cynical, jaded, “typical guy” response, but is it really?
Why am I going to waste my time with someone who doesn’t want me? What kind of person wastes another’s time when they don’t want them to begin with? It’s better for all parties involved to move on, and I’m simply taking my own advice.
My teammates know me well enough to know that I’m ultimately looking for something serious, which is why my captain couldn’t figure out why it seems like there’s a new girl to talk about every week or every other week.
There’s a difference between knowing what you ultimately want, and doing anything to make it happen in every situation. I’m not in the latter.
I’m open to pretty much anything. I’m open to casually dating and seeing where it goes. I’m open to a “friends with benefits” situation that will either stay that way or become something more. I’m open to dating someone exclusively. As I told my teammates, it’s not like I go on first dates with a wedding ring stuffed in my pocket all the while hoping she’s The One.
Despite all of the sappy crap I write about love and eventually wanting marriage and kids, I’m very much a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. The problem is that I acknowledge eventually wanting something serious at some point in the future. Some people hear that and get spooked. That’s not my problem.
It’s possible to want marriage and kids in the long run and to have a fling here or there along the way. There are some people — like Pam — who don’t want anything serious. I didn’t want anything serious with her. If it lasted a day, a week, a month, or a year, whatever it was, it would be casual, and I was perfectly okay with that. She ended it after two weeks.
Pam was a pit stop on my road to love, and I’m fine with that. She wasn’t the first, and she’s almost certainly not going to be the last. As long as I eventually get to where I want to be, I don’t really care how long it takes me to get there.