I want to preface this post by saying that I’ve contemplated whether or not to write it for about a week. Deep down, I knew it was only a matter of time.
Writers are always told to write what they know, and to write about a subject in which they are passionate about. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I’ve been fascinated by all things love, dating, relationships, and sex for as long as I can remember.
I’ve always been different in that regard. I’m an admitted hopeless romantic, which often gets misinterpreted as, “Desperate for love.” I’m also very straightforward and outspoken, which works against me far more than it helps. I say and do things that are not typical of a 20-something-year-old man in this day and age, and I tell myself everyday that I was just not made to exist in the era in which I’m currently living.
I possess textbook qualities of a reporter and an Aries in that I seek an explanation for everything. One of my greatest character flaws is a need for closure, and it’s one that I have the hardest time accepting.
Everything I write on the topics of love, dating, relationships, or sex is extremely personal. Whether it’s something based off a real-life situation, or just an emotional outpouring, every word written is visceral. I never use real names in anything I post, but there are times when some people — including the person I’m writing about — will know exactly whom the words are referring to.
There are times when the words are powerful feelings from the depths of my heart, and there are times when they are taking a jab at someone. I try to avoid the latter as often as possible, but I can easily see how either would make the source uncomfortable. The truth is that I honestly don’t care either way.
That sounds like a smug outlook to have, but it’s the reality of the situation.
If I write something from the heart for you and you can’t handle it, that’s not my problem. Even if it’s the most passionate thing I’ve ever written for someone, it’s not a marriage proposal. If you’re scared by that and don’t have the maturity to discuss it with me, it’s probably best that things didn’t work out.
I don’t write about everything that goes on in my life, and I certainly don’t write about every girl that comes into my life. If I’m inspired enough to write something heartfelt for and about you, it means I give a damn about you. I’m a writer — I write about what inspires me and what interests me. If you inspire and interest me, why is that a bad thing?
I try to reserve the jab posts for when things happen that consume my thoughts. If I do address them, I try to make them anecdotes or examples in the work, and not the focal point. When I address them, I don’t embellish any of the facts. What happened, happened. If seeing what you did spelled out offends you, then perhaps it will serve as a wake-up call.
I’m forever cognizant of the repercussions that come with writing something so personal for the world to see, even if the people involved aren’t named.
The girl who was the focus of this post unfriended me on Facebook. While I can’t confirm or deny if it was before or after the post, it’s a safe assumption to presume it came afterwards. I look at this as a perfect example of why I’m unapologetic about writing what I did.
The only times I heard from her were if it was for a last-minute date within an hour. Anytime I proposed a date somewhere down the road during the week, I never got an answer. Whether or not I was a “fourth-string option” to her or not, that’s how I felt. If I meant more to her than that, she would’ve treated me as such. If writing that was what led to her deleting me on Facebook (and even if it wasn’t), I don’t mind losing a girl like that in my life.
The action tells me one of two things: 1. What I wrote was true, and she couldn’t handle seeing the truth in front of her face; or 2. What I wrote wasn’t true, but she didn’t deem it necessary to explain the situation to me.
I preach to my closest friends all the time about self-worth and self-respect and how we should recognize the value of what we bring to the table in any situation — especially in love. Whenever I spent time with her, it was incredible. She was also the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing. But that’s not enough. If I mean something to you, show me. It’s really not that difficult of a concept to grasp.
We all screw up. I’ve taken girlfriends for granted, accidentally led girls on, and either moved too quickly or too slowly in a given situation that eventually led to the end of whatever was there.
Part of growing up and part of maturing is being able to own your mistakes and deal with them properly. It’s being able to have that conversation when someone you have wronged confronts you about it. It’s also about being able to recognize when you screw up — be it one hour, one day, or one year later.
This post — as well as anything I write — is not meant to come off as a self-righteous rant about why the world sucks and how I’m always in the right; far from it. I try to tackle topics that include an absence of human decency, common courtesy, or common sense. Sometimes a topic hits the trifecta.
Just as technology has made it easier than ever to keep in contact or get to know about someone, it has made it just as easy for us to avoid human confrontation. We can delete, block, and ghost with no explanation necessary. What’s worse is that all of this is now socially acceptable, meaning that this trend will only continue to grow and the value of physical human interaction will only continue to fade away.