I don’t want you to make love with me. I don’t want you to kiss me. I don’t even want you to agree to a date with me. I don’t want any of it if you don’t mean it.
There’s a difference between sleeping with someone and making love with them. There’s a difference between making out or hooking up with someone and kissing them. There’s a difference between hanging out with someone and going on a date with them.
The difference is that there is passion in each of the latter, and they are filled with it.
When you make love to someone, you feel every part of them — mind, body and soul — and not just the parts they are anatomically gifted with. You don’t just touch them, you caress them. When you sleep with someone, it’s something to do to. Whether it’s to kill time or end your night, there’s little to no emotion in sleeping with someone. It’s more of a task: Carry it out to the best of your ability, then move on. Making love to someone starts well before the clothes start hitting the floor.
When you kiss someone, everything around you fades out: the noise, the people, your worries. You’re in the moment with this person, and it truly feels like you’re the only two people around for miles. When you’re making out with someone, it’s often aggressive and sloppy. It’s a story you’re going to tell people or a memory you won’t care to remember.
When you’re going on a date with someone, you take the extra minute to make sure you’re presentable. You actually have a plan to do something. If you’re lucky, he asked to pick you up or she agreed to let you do so. When you’re hanging out with someone, it can be done anywhere at any time. Hanging out with someone can be interrupted by a phone call, text, or any minor distraction, whereas a date requires you to devote your undivided attention to the person you’re with.
The varying situations should be obvious even if they are never addressed, and if you’re not sure, you should have no hesitation to ask. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone, making out with someone, or hanging out with someone… so long as you’re both on the same page.
Don’t make love to someone you never intend to call again or that you don’t have any feelings for. Don’t kiss someone if you don’t mean it or if you’re wishing it were with someone else. Don’t date someone because you feel obligated or you’re afraid to hurt their feelings.
Feelings are going to get hurt — sometimes shattered — in any situation, but the dust always settles quicker and respect is usually maintained when there is honesty and consideration from the person breaking it off or breaking the bad news. There’s no way to “let someone down easily,” regardless of what we’re told during our teenage years; there’s only “leading on,” and it’s gut-wrenching for the person at the far end of the rope.
Don’t be that person. Don’t be the person who toys with another’s emotions or uses someone as a fallback option when they think you’re a priority. Be bigger than that, be better than that.